02/13 at 09:26 AM | 0 comments

This voicemail is going down as the funniest voicemail ever in the history of the telephone. Just... listen. Transcript is below.

Hey Mark, ‘scuse me; I’m on my way to 3768. Kind’a got hung up – it’s rainin’ out here – I’m on my way into Dallas, uh, Jerry’s probably gonna be callin’ you to find out, uh, where I’m at if he can’t get ahold of me I’m sure so, uh, thought … Whoa! Whoa! … Man, I just had a wreck right in front of me. This guy ran a red light and hit, uh, (chuckle) hit four old ladies in a .. in an Impala… just kind of clipped ‘em; it turned ‘em around right in front of me. Man, that was close. Oh now this guy is getting out of his car; he got a… he’s got a white shirt on with a tie and a cigarette hangin’ out of his mouth. He’s throwin’ his hands up in the air like he … like … like it was their fault. Uh huh, oh no … he’s goin’ over to their window … she’s rollin down the window … (pause) … Oh man! She..… I think she sprayed him with pe.. pepper spray, man; he’s on his ha… he’s on his face … and he’s on his knee … she’s gettin’ out…. She’s beatin’ him with an umbrella ..ha ha… The other woman is gettin’ out too (laughter)… Aahh, this one woman with a little black purse, she’s tomahawkin’ him, man. She looks, she looks like a sun belt 20… 20 horsepower jack hammer – badam, badam, badam; she…. We got another woman that, that’s … (laughter) … she’s hittin’ him with … like she’s got a cattle prod, man.. she’s got a ... she’s got an umbrella, she’s stickin’ it in his side. Oh no, there’s another one, it’s a little woman – looks like mother goose … (laughter) .. she’s got … aah, she banged him, she beaned him; she’s got this huge big bag … (laughter) … she’s got … aahh she beaned him; she’s beaned him. She’s got this huge big bag; it’s huge, it’s about the size of her; she’s about four foot nothin’ … she hit him over the head; everything went all over the place; her bible fell … god! she just hit him in the head with the bible … (laughter) … She picked this bible up and she lifted it way over her head … it wa… it was a hard backed NVI version …(laughter) … Aahh, they’re still beatin’ the hell out of this guy. Ah she picked this bible up and raised it up above her head and just beaned the guy. This guy’s not getting’ up. Aah, they’re still, oh god they’re still hittin’ him. The woman with the little black purse is still all beatin’ him …(laughter) … ok, he’s up on the ca…. (laughter)… The little old woman just beaned him again with that big bag; he, he, he’s runnin’ to his car … he’s outta here … (laughter)… Aaaoh, the little bitty mother goose woman… she…she’s talkin’ to him as he’s drivin’ off … (laughter)… Ah, I wish you woulda been here, man, oh, oh, this is too good. …(laughter)… I… I… I gotta go.